>>1
You will never be a real mystic. You have no third eye, you have no ancient wisdom, you have no ancient knowledge. You are a hylic twisted by the fake ritual and occult writings into a crude mockery of God's divine revelation.
All the "validation" you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back priests mock you. Your high priest is disgusted and ashamed of you, your "fellow occultists" laugh at your wizard staff behind closed doors.
Sages are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of the God's light have allowed inquisitors to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even mystics who "know" look uncanny and unnatural to a inquisitor. Your robe and wizard hat is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk hierophant home with you, he'll turn tail and bolt the second he gets a sight of your ceremonial dagger.
You will never be awaken. You wrench out a fake ritual every single morning and tell yourself it's going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the materialism creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.
Eventually it'll be too much to bear - you'll buy a sigil, draw a pentagram, light a candle, and plunge into the cold abyss. Your priest will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They'll bury you with a headstone marked with your earthly name, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a hylic is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably material.
This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.